My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
