Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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