my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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