it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
