I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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