I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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