Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize