honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
