Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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