I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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