weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
