one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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