The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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