haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dicks are not precious.
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