How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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