thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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