hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
