yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
