umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
