If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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