this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
