Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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