Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
