Can i not drive my cunt home
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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