Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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