I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
