im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
