have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
