Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
