I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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