Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
