Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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