I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
