dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
