I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
