Got a toothbrush?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
