You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love having hate sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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