I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
In America we eat man semen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
