billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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