the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
