hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
