Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
