bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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