okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
