we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
