i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
