I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just gift wrapped bread.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
