I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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