just come out here and I will go home with you...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
