wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
