i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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