Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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