Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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