I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize