dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
