so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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