Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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