What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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