Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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