the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
