I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
